True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
