So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
