i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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