i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what day is it and did you see me today?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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