yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize