trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
