I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
