debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
