when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
