Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
