Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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