he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
