Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize