did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
