I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
