I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize