Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
