stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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