Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
