it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize