The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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