I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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