I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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