we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
