Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
