Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
third nipple confirmed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
