what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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