I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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