why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
