man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
