after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
