Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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