I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
