gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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