Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
