Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
