piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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