It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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