YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
