I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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