how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
