hotel room ftw
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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