jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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