Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
