I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
