How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
