he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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