Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
