____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
