Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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