He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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