if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
