Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
