I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
