and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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