your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
