thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
