fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How does one acquire holy water?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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