think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize