So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
