Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
