I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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