No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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