I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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