Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
