i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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