You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize