I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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