I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
