just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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