So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
