Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
