Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize