I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I would fuck him just for his dog
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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