I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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