I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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