Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
