First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
