I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
