I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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