i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize