you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize