I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just sucked dick on a ferry
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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