That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
