i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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