DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
