my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
