I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
