Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
