I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
