The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
