Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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