I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
