you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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