I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
