He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
