Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
