Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I smell like Dick and happiness
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize