whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
