I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
