after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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