so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
