Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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