i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
