I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
