took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
