I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
