Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
