How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
