..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
