That's intense
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
