There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She needs sedatives and a leash
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize