so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
third nipple confirmed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
