be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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