Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
