i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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