chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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