I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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