she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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