Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
